Nothing Left but Memories 

They are all gone… Its all gone.


Never thought I’d be bad at say goodbye to people. Never thought I was this scare of changes.

It’s 2016. I’m 23 years old, and I’ve never said goodbye before. Life is changing in so many ways and so drastically, and I can’t keep up with it….I’m scared. This year feels like a roller coaster. I can’t tell what’s coming next.

Today I moved of house for a fourth time in four years. It feels like I can’t stay in a single place. I can’t stop moving. I don’t want to stop. 

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Gone for too long 

Today she likes her smile, she doesn’t feel a stranger…”

Tonigh I heard a song that reminded me of feelings that I haven’t felt in too long… Hopefully someone will feel this warm feeling after reading the lyrics of this song.


What a charming smile…

This song is in Spanish but I’ll translate for you guys. Please read throughly.
Ella (She) by Bebe 
She is tired of throwing in the towel

She’s taking down spider webs bit by bit

She hasn’t slept tonight

But she’s not tired

She hasn’t looked at a single mirror 

But she feels beautiful.

Today she’s painted her eyelashes 

Today she likes her smile, she doesn’t feel a stranger 

Today she dreams what she wants without a worry

Today she’s a woman that realized her soul

Today you’ll discover that the world is yours 

That no one can hurt you, no one can hurt you

Today you’re going to learn that fear can be broken with a mere slamming door

Today you’re gonna keep laughing at yourself and she that you’ve accomplished 

Today you’re going to be the women that you wanted to be, today you’re going to love yourself like no one has known how

Today you’ll look ahead at what’s behind you that hurt you so, a valiant woman as making woman, look how you’re already!

Today the perfect woman they were waiting for has been born, she is shamelessly broken rules

Today she is wearing heels to make her steps be heard, today she knows her life will never more be a failure…

Beautiful words from a beautiful mind… Let me know if you like this post.

Littlesigh.

I’ve lost control

So, what’s next? …

  

Today I realized that I’ve lost control of some situations. I don’t know what’s next. I don’t know what to do.

It’s scary but somehow peaceful. When you have nothing, so there’s nothing else for you to lose. I’m in a loop where I keep questioning myself should I be worry? Or should I just let it be? How do you guys do it?!

Time to go to bed and try to relax and look for the best way to deal with this.

Hope your night is free of worries,

Littlesigh.

Heaven on a Sunday

I’m surrounded by love…

  

I’m laying in bed and all I feel is loved. Can’t explain this feeling, but it’s pretty close to happiness.

The pupps don’t get along. But the fact that they can lay down together in the same bed just to be with me makes smile.

Hope you’re being loved by one of this today too.

Littlesigh.

 Blue Days

I can’t do it. I’m not good enough. I’m not ready. I’m a failure…

  

That’s all I’ve been telling myself lately and honestly it’s been holding me down. Some days, I call them blue days were I can’t see the beauty within me. I can’t see me as a functional human been. I start wondering if I deserve the friends I have, if I’m a shame for my family and why my partner wants me.

I don’t glow. Not in my blue days. It scares the hell out of me thinking that someone would know how I feel…. How I really see myself. There are a lot of changes coming in my life and honestly, I don’t know how I’ll make it thru.

In my blue days, I’m not smart, I’m not pretty and I’m worthless. Why am I even “trying”? Who am I trying to fool?

My blue days are long and regular but no one can noticed.

That’s alright. 

Im  just fine…

Littlesigh.

A Lovely Day

We started our day with a kiss…

  

It’s our second Valentines together, so we decided to create a tradition. Just like last valentines we went to see the sunrise by the beach. It was cold and the wind was so strong it almost made our little walk difficult.

  

We enjoyed a delicious breakfast while we talked about random stuff. We’ve had ups and downs but I’m proud of what we’ve built so far and I can’t wait to see what’s coming. 
  
We talked, we played, we shared. We had an awesome morning together. Later that morning we went to visit my family to wish them a happy day and give them some cupcakes ( cause nothing says better I love you than candies!). It was a short visit but full of warm feelings. I was surrounded by all the people I love the most… I can’t ask for more.

After that we had some little business to take care off (with little business I mean boring adult stuff).  
We went straight home after that. I did some homework while we has working on his house projects.

As part of our new tradition, I’m in charge of dinner. I like to make my special broil ribs. For the record I only make them once a year cause it takes almost 3 hours to make.

  
And of course! The final part of our Valentine’s Day was waiting for the awesome premier of The Walking Dead.

We shared this special day on our own special day. But what can I say… Everything is special when you’re in love.

Hope you had a beautiful Valentine’s Day.

Littlesigh.

Is it okay to be afraid?

Don’t worry” , “Things will get better”, “Don’t let it get you ” …

It is nice to hear that, but honestly, that doesn’t help. When people repeat those quotes to me it only makes me feel like I should have a solution ready to fix my problems. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong cause I don’t have the answer the other person seem to have cause they already know “everything is going to be alright”.

I’m scared. I’m scared of what’s happening and what’s coming, but I think that’s good. That makes want to work harder, feel things more deeply and don’t take anything for granted.

I’m scared of what I’m going to lose just like I’m scared of what I’m going to win. I’m walking blindfolded towards the path I set for myself. And I can honestly say I have no clue of what’s coming but as long as I stick to my path nothing really can stop me. I walk one step at a time, and shake of fear with every few steps.

It’s taking me longer to get there, scared or not, I’m on my way…

  

“You’ve changed”

If change is part of life…. Why people freak out about it?

 

“You’ve changed” a quote I hear a lot from old friends and family. Well of course I’ve changed! Time passes by if you haven’t figured that out. Last time I saw or spoke to a lot of them was back in high school (4 years ago or more). Do you really expect me to be the same person who’s only worry was finding the perfect dress for prom?

Yes, I’ve changed. I don’t know if it’s been for good or bad, but I’ve changed. I’m not the same person you once met and I won’t be the same person five years from now. Should I be worry?

I’m in that stage of life where I am not sure where I come from, I don’t like where I am , and I have no clue where I’m going. Should I be worry about that too? Yes, I’ve changed. I’m goofy, boring, bold, lazy, thin, fat, funny, crazy , and bitchy. Depending on what they want to see. True is that people can’t really see me. So how can they tell I’ve changed?


Yes, I’ve changed. I started living by myself and for myself. I know the way I act many time can pass by arrogant and cold.( and they might be right) But guess what? I really don’t care anymore. Welcome to my new life.

I’ve changed.

Littlesigh.

All by myself

A Sunday by myself…

It’s 5:30 pm and so far I’ve only talked with the delivery guy, and I’m loving it.

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My day started when my boyfriend kissed me goodbye this morning. I’m not sure at what time he left but the sun wasn’t out yet. I woke up around 8:30 and spent the next two hours in bed just checking my phone and creating this blog (yay!) .

I don’t mind being by myself at all. I think it’s actually a need people should meet often. What I like the most is that I can spend the whole day without saying a word at all and you know what? It feels good! Not that I don’t like to talk to my friends or family but sometimes, that little voice inside your head is all you need to hear.

Knock knock at the door. Delivery is here! I rush to the door and remember that the alarm is on. Then I rush to set the alarm off and I automatically forget the code!! and…The panic is coming. It takes me like 20 or 30 seconds to remember the code. Rush to the door and the delivery guy is there waiting and probably wondering what the hell I am wearing. (Not everybody likes my Star Wars robe).

I say “thank you” and give him his tip, and just like that he’s gone. Oh man, I love delivery. It’s so fast and easy. And the best part is that you can avoid human interactions (for the most part). I sit in silence and eat my lunch.

I spent a few hours reading books for one of my classes. Now that I’ve studied and clean a little the house I think it’s time to call it the quits and turn Netflix on. My boyfriend should be getting home in a couple hours. And I’m happy to break my silence kingdom with him.

 

Random post, I know, but that’s all I’ve been thinking about today.

Stay lovely people!

Littlesigh.

 

 

i

A New Beginning

Well… Maybe.

I have always considered myself a writer. Always making short stories in my head, and creating characters inspired on my everyday people. I have always felt that I have some good and exciting to say, but I never talk about it. Not because I’m scared of what people might think but because I prefer to write about it. And yes, this is the first time I’ll share my thoughts with the world.

 

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I like that quote. It reminds me that I’m the only one in control of my life. It also makes me force myself to start doing things (like this blog) I never thought I’d do. All the effort and time so when I look back I can feel proud of myself.

What it’s funny about this is that I’m writing this post without any intention to share it with friends. Why? Well because I want to be honest and bold here, and I don’t think I’ll be a hundred percent honest if I knew my mother is going to be reading my posts.

Anyway, I’m starting to ramble. I hope that if you find this blog for whatever reason, you enjoyed it.

 

May at the destiny let us find us again

All my love,

Littlesigh.